Two Years

 
  Two years ago today at 5:18am Carina Leigh was born. I hate that it has been two long years since I have held her. It is hard to imagine what life would be like if she was here. She would be a toddler now... running around, playing and fighting with Lane and Ava. Our household would be even more chaotic than it is now! What I wouldn't give to share this life with her... to hear her giggles along with the other two, to feel her arms squeeze around my neck. Instead of knowing these joys I am left with the ache and sorrow of simply imagining and wondering what would have been.

It is hard to know what to do with ourselves on July 12th now. After all, it is both Carina's birthday and the anniversary of her death. It is a day of celebration and of mourning. This evening we went to her grave and planted flowers and put a butterfly at her grave. Jeremy, Lane and Ava had made cupcakes. So, we sang "Happy Birthday" and "We Miss You" and the kids blew out her candles.

It is hard to answer Lane's questions and see him wrestle with the concept of death. Last year we left balloons go for her birthday. This year he wanted balloons again so he could send a cupcake with them for her. He wanted to know when she is coming to live with us again. He was confused by the lyrics from "The Gospel Song" that say "By His death, I live again". He was thinking that she would live again with us here on earth some day. Try explaining that to a little boy who misses his sister. It rips my heart out.

But still I trust my Father who freely gave up His own Son for my sake. I rest knowing that all of this is for our good. I rest knowing that Carina is in His care doing just what she was created for. She is worshiping God, and so I will worship, too.

Carina, we love and miss you more than words can say. Every day is spent wishing you were here. We long for the day when we will know you. Happy Birthday, sweet girl. Hugs and kisses from all of us... xo xo xo xo...

Lane's 5th Birthday!

  July 1, 2009 Lane turned 5 years old! I can't believe I have a 5-year-old... where does the time go?! We celebrated last friday with his first "friend" party. His party guests were Easton Herr, Cole and Spencer Teaman, Gabe Parmer, Kyle Valentine, John Hershey, and Ava. He picked Cars for his theme. I made him a Lightening McQueen cake (which took me 3 hours to decorate!), he made favor bags filled with Cars stuff, and we made a pinata. He chose corn dogs, chips, and apple slices for dinner. The boys flew their Cars planes around, had dinner, ran around, broke the pinata, sang happy birthday and ate cake, then lane opened presents, and they flew their planes some more! I believe fun was had by all and Daddy and Mommy were worn out! Thanks to all you boys and Ava who helped to make Lane's birthday so special!

Miller Mountains Weekend 2009

 

The end of June we took a weekend away to the mountains with my family. Alicia, Ian and Tytus were unable to join us because of Tytus still being so young, but the rest of us were there! We enjoyed time sitting around the fire, eating too much, playing games, taking walks, and just playing around!

Four Days with Gabe

 

June 21st our nephew/cousin Gabe arrived to spend four days with us while his parents were in Aruba. We had so much fun! Gabe did really well given the circumstances. We had a beautiful week and spent lots of time outside. The kids blew tons of bubbles, played on the swing set, did sidewalk chalk, walked around the neighborhood, and went to Dutch Wonderland for an evening. It was a sweet time of making memories with Gabe and we were so thankful to have so much time with him since we don't get to see him often.

Father's Day 2009

  Happy Father's Day, Jeremy! We started the day's festivities by sending Daddy to Taco Bell to get his lunch after church. (He enjoys Taco Bell food and almost never gets it anymore!) When he arrived home we gave him cards that the children made and chocolate toasted coconut candy that we had made for him. We relaxed and Lane and Ava napped in the afternoon. In the evening Jeremy's parents arrived with our nephew Gabe (who we were keeping for four days) and we had a cookout.

I had the privilege of posting a tribute to Jeremy on our church's blog. Here is the link: http://crosswaylife.wordpress.com/?s=jeremy+stoltzfus

Mountains Vacation 2009

  On Memorial Day we headed up to the cabin for a week of vacation. When we arrived my Mom's side of the family was all still there and we shared lunch and a walk with them. Before dinner everyone but Nan and Pop headed home. They stayed with us for another day. We so much enjoyed getting to spend all that extra time with them! They left Tuesday afternoon and left us in the rain. It rained on and off for a couple of days. That didn't dampen our experience, though. We made and played play dough, painted with watercolor, drew with stencils, read books, played toys, watched a movie or two and played games. We made several meals over the fire and had smores every night.  One night our camp fire was rained out and even that did not deter us from smore making. We fired up the electric stove and went to town. Lane and Ava thought that was cool! Thursday we had a big photo shoot and went down to the creek and made a dam. Friday we headed to R.B. Winter State Park for a few hours. Jeremy and I sat on the beach in our jackets, while Lane and Ava insisted on splashing in the water, playing in the sand and on the playground in their bathing suits... crazy kids! It was SO chilly! Saturday we did some more creek stomping, built another dam and had wagon rides down the gravel road. Jeremy and I played games pretty much every time the kids were sleeping and enjoyed some evening conversations by the fire. The week was delightful, relaxing, refreshing, and filled with sweet family memories! We look forward to it again next year, Lord willing!

Miss Diana's Circus

  May 23, 2009 we went to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, otherwise know as "Miss Diana's circus". We went with the Herr and Teaman families. Jeremy, Lane, Ava and I arrived early and met up with Diana. We saw the elephants, tigers and a few other animals outside and then headed in to see the pre-show. Everyone else joined us for the show and we ALL loved it! We were so happy to get a chance to visit Diana, too. Especially Ava. Every minute we were with Diana, Ava wanted to be held by her. Afterward, Diana took us on a little back stage tour. Thanks for making our circus experience so special, Diana!

 

Tytus James Morris

 
On May 18, 2009 we welcomed our nephew/cousin Tytus James into the family! Congratulations Alicia and Ian! Ava is obsessed with him and will hold him for way longer than you would think a three-year-old could ever sit still. Lane couldn't be more happy to have another boy cousin... in fact, all is well in the world now as far as he is concerned. According to him, it is now okay for Mommy to have a girl.

Lane's Last Day of Preschool

  May 14, 2009 was Lane's last day of preschool. I can't believe the preschool years are already over for him. He was both happy and sad to say good-bye to his school. It was a wonderful two years for him! Does this mean he is a kindergartner now or can I wait til the first day of kindergarten to make it official?!

Fun May Weekend!

 

Mid May 2009 Lane, Ava, and I were able to spend a weekend with Debbie and James. It was a delightful time for all of us. The children became instant friends. On Saturday we took the Metro to the zoo in D.C. That evening Debbie and I were blessed to get hours of time talking while our children slept. This trip was an expression of God's kindness to me! What delight to get to spend two days with one of my dearest friends and to watch our children grow together in friendship! What precious memories!

Another Baby Girl!

The end of January we found out that we were expecting another baby. It was very surprising since we had been preventing because we had just miscarried in December. It is very difficult and emotional to be pregnant right away after the third pregnancy loss in a row, but we have trusted that God has a good plan (no matter what the outcome) from the start. I have had many appointments with my doctor and have been seeing a Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist as well. I have had tons of testing. We have been very thankful to know that we have done everything in our power (and the doctors) to keep this baby alive.

We told Lane and Ava that they had another sibling on the way the end of February. They were so happy and began to pray for the baby right away. I was unsure how Lane would react because of how the loss of Carina has impacted him. I asked him if he was fearful, and bless his little faith-filled heart... he replied, "No, Mom, because I can pray for the baby."

On May 12, 2009 (nineteen weeks, two days into the pregnancy) we found out that we were expecting another baby girl! Barely though... she finally spread her legs at the last minute to confirm that she was a girl! All of us we're happy with that. All of us but Lane, that is. He began to argue with Dr. Boley. It was quite humorous for Jeremy and I and the doc. He was like, "Stop saying she, it's a he" and "It's not a girl, it's a boy." Poor boy. He wanted a brother so badly that he was convinced it was a boy. He had told me, "I already have two sisters, I want a brother." We have had to talk about how this baby is a girl because that's what God made her, and that she is just what is best for our family (including him)! Praise God that we have made it to here with this precious little girl... we are thankful for every day of her life!

Three Days with Cole and Spencer

 

The end of April Cole and Spencer came to stay with us for three days while their parents were out of town. We all had so much fun with them! It was unseasonably warm for April... okay... that's an understatement... it was wicked hot! It worked out to our advantage because it meant lots of water fun in the back yard! I must mention that the Teaman boys have a very special place in all of our hearts. They are so dear to us. The four kids have this strange "sibling-like" bond that I have never seen with any of their other friends. When Cole and Spencer left Lane was so upset. His big lip came out and his eyes were all teary. You would think three days would be enough! Denise told me later that as they pulled away the boys said with a sigh, "We love those guys." We love you, too, Cole and Spencer! During the months that have passed since Lane has often thanked God in his prayers, saying, "Thank you that Cole and Spencer got to come for three days." Sweet memories!

Elaborate Easter Egg

 

Check out this Easter Egg that Lane decorated all by himself. He said that it is Jesus on the cross. I pray that this would become the passion of his life!

Birdhouse Bulider

  April 4, 2009 Daddy took Lane to a Home Depot kid's workshop to build a birdhouse. Lane loved it all! He got an apron to keep and a pin signifying his accomplishment! After they returned home with the birdhouse they headed out again to get some paint from Grauer's, and then painted it. It now hangs on Lane's bedroom window. Too bad no birdies have moved in yet!

Lane's Fieldtrip to Oregon Dairy

 

April 2, 2009 Lane's preschool class had a fieldtrip to Oregon Dairy. We took a wagon ride around the farm and got to see all the workings of a dairy farm. Then we got a tour of the grocery store and had some doughnuts and cheese. The trip was topped off with a mini ice cream cone. Fun, fun!

Baltimore Aquarium

  March 27, 2009 we finally made good on our promise to take Ava to the aquarium for her third birthday. We went to the Baltimore Aquarium for the day. We started off with the dolphin show. After lunch we made it through almost every exhibit. Ava loved it all! We got a family pass that is good for a year, so we plan to go again soon.

New Play Set

 

On March 21, 2009 we surprised Lane and Ava with a new play set. They spent the whole day with Grammy and Poppy while Daddy (and Josh Palmatier... thanks, Josh!) assembled their play set. We surprised them after dark that night. They were so excited!